I hate that this is my criteria here, but with Ciara, I genuinely have to take into account the Pizza Index. Just how naked is it? Mercifully, this is only, like, one slice out of eight:

It’s still a Very Ciara Experience; just with less insight into her lingerie. Honestly, I expected to dislike it a lot more. Where I’m getting the most stuck is on her actual cleavage. Is it just me, or are they strapped in there unevenly? Obviously a woman’s chest can hang however it likes; when you’re serving it up in a dress that requires a lot of boob tape, though, it seems like you’d go the extra mile and try to tape them at the same level. Which gives me an idea: Use an actual level. Just think of the lucrative Home Depot endorsements that might follow.

[Photo: Getty]

Tags: ESPYs, Ciara