I was thinking, “So many people wore Dolce & Gabbana to this premiere!!” and then I actually read the step and repeat, which says “Dolce & Gabbana,” right there! Now what we’ve established Jessica Can’t Read, let’s talk about Joan:

In a non-clothing-related comment, ever since one of you pointed out the ankle-pop stance she always takes in photos, it’s all I can see. She pops that foot out there the way Paris Hilton arches her back. It’s totally her red carpet tic. ANYWAY. In other news, I am conflicted:

  1. I love a metallic the way other people love their children.
  2. I enjoy this IN THEORY.
  3. It might have needed to be a v-neck? I feel like Joan would have shown a bit more clav — like cleavage, but with clavicle. I can understand Hendricks not wanting to look like Joan all the time. But here’s the thing: Joan always looks AMAZING. I have pale hands, so I just stuck my pinky finger onto this photo to give the illusion of a lower neck, and I think that might have made this a slam dunk.
  4. On the other hand, half the time Christina wears a turtleneck, so this may have been a fight won by a tired stylist somewhere, in the long run, unbeknownst to us.
  5. But I think the proportions are a bit off. She’s experiencing a very minor case of Does This Outfit Make My Head Look Too Small?
  6. I think that skirt has real potential.  IT’S SHINY.
  7. I’m going to STEAL THE EARRINGS and run away with them. Never you mind that one of my ear holes has closed up and I’m going to have to re-pierce it, old-school, with a ice-cube and a piece of potato, to wear them. THEY WILL BE MINE.
  8. I have no idea what this adds up to, in terms of overall success. I’m off to jab a pushpin through my ear. Talk amongst yourselves.

[Photo: Courtesy of Dolce & Gabbana]