(3) JESSICA BIEL v. (6) CHRISTINA HENDRICKS
In which two ladies with great genes ABUSE THEM BRUTALLY. For example, Biel gave herself Avian Flu:
While Hendricks infested herself with some kind of applique-related creeping crud, which I can only assume is related to her Mold Attack.
Poor Biel spent much of the summer suffering from a severe case of Rufflomania:
Hendricks has a severe and possibly incurable case of Remitting and Relapsing OUCH:
Is it better to suffer from OUCH, or from Severe Advanced Geriatricitosis? Ask yourself that hard question:
Because this looks itchy. And it’s no better with the coat on.
Hendricks also suffers from a brutal case of the Ruts. Namely, the black and white ones, and while the black and white is a delicious cookie — look to the cookie, Jerry! — it gets a little stale in your wardrobe after a while:
Even that dude is skeptical.
And here, she seriously looks like a NYSE docent reporting for work in her polyester uniform:
Speaking of bad pants, though, we can’t go through a bracket featuring Jessica Biel without revisiting The Crotcheted Pants of Horror:
I need to lay down.
(7) DIANE KRUGER v. (2) HEIDI KLUM
Or: the battle of the blonde models.
I present this without comment:
Kruger at least has the accumulated wisdom to know that the best way to distract us from the fringe and feathers and folderol on HER dress is Pacey:
If the eyes are the windows to the soul, is the window on the back of Klum’s jumpsuit/blazer ensemble the eyes to her torso?
This outfit is CLEARLY designed to be the eyes to Kruger’s rib cage:
And this is basically The Eyes To EVERYTHING, and I wish my own eyes were wide shut:
After that little number, this frock of Kruger’s seems sincerely SINCERELY demure, even though it has its own Window To Her Thighs:
But that is so sincerely NOT all. Klum also went semi-naked to the Emmys, and also to the Met Gala. She repeated her Lace Sheer Leggy look here, and here and — oh, just look at her archives. They are EXTREME.