Well, well, well. Look who finally beat Kim in SOMETHING. It’s basically all she ever wanted, right? Kim must be gnashing her teeth right now. Look at all that Kourtney has! A man (such as he is)! A baby! Another baby on the way! AND NOW A FUG MADNESS BERTH. UNTOLD RICHES.

As far as she and Katy go, these two have more in common than you might thing. They both have names that start with K. They both have been in serious relationships with men who have, by their own admissions, over-imbibed and acted like a-holes. They have both been in serious relationships with men who have very carefully curated wardrobes. They both pay regular visits to Leg City. See?

I assume she didn’t intend to match her romper to her take-away bag from Bill ‘N’ Steve’s SkeezEmporium & Tightseteria?

Katy Perry is not immune to the charms of the matchy-matchy — not just here, but also in her archives:

Nor, apparently, to the Stereotypical Charms o’ The Geisha, I guess. (That sound you hear is geishas muttering, “leave us out of this, please. We have enough on our plates with this f’ing Client List thing happening. Everyone keeps asking us how we feel about it.”)

Kourtney’s not immune to…well, any accessory ever (this is also borne out by HER archives):

Turbans AND fur only work if you’re Alexis Carrington Colby — as our aptly named commenter Widow Carrington’s Turban can well attest.

This is like what it would look like if June Carter Cash had a baby with a My Little Pony:

I am trying to figure out if this is a jumpsuit. I DO know that it’s EXTREME, whatever it is.

I sort of love this equally extreme look from Katy:

I imagine that this is how it looks when she wakes up in the middle of the night and has to go outside to discover what kind of infernal banging is keeping her from a good night’s sleep (insert your Russell Brand joke here). Frankly, if Katy DOESN’T sleep in a nightgown like this one, I don’t want to know about it. She is wandering the grounds of Perryville looking like this at ALL TIMES, as far as I am concerned.

Suddenly, I crave chicken.  Extra crispy. With coleslaw.

Can’t imagine where that’s coming from. If only I had 11 herbs and spices….

There might be some spices growing in Katy’s hat here:

Is it wrong that I kind of love that? It’s so British Royal Wedding meets Strawberry Kwik. Two great tastes that needed to stay far, far away from each other.

Whose fug reigns supreme?

  • Katy Perry (37%, 3,434 Votes)
  • Kourtney Kardashian (63%, 5,909 Votes)

Total Voters: 9,333

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Believe it or not, we didn’t purposefully set The Sisters Olsen against one another — The Randomizer did that.  I just hope they’ve laid bets on this thing and decided whoever wins (or loses, up to them) buys the other a round of drinks.

She can wear this to the bar:

It’s flirty, AND you can use the scrubby bits around the skirt in case the bar runs out of napkins. Elizabeth Olsen seems charming and adorable is so, so pretty. She also really likes her some basic black:

I wish this had been better. It’s a little bit like a tiered wedding cake IN MOURNING. Sad cake makes us all sad.

I am also sad about this:

There’s a keyhole opening, and then there’s whatever that is. It’s like a….doggie door opening. Okay, I guess it’s smaller than a doggie door and larger than a keyhole. It’s like the doggie-door you would install if you had a pet squirrel. It’s a squirrel-door. It’s a squirrel-door-hole opening and it’s not good.

This is also not good:

Somehow this dress makes her HEAD look too small. How is that even POSSIBLE? WHY WOULD THIS HAPPEN TO SOMEONE SO CUTE?

At least she has her Olde Timey Wedding to live for. I just hope it doesn’t turn into the kind of Olde Timey Marriage that ends in diphtheria.

Let’s take a look at her sisters:

This would look amazing on two old ladies. I’m just saying.

This would look fantastic on one old gypsy. I’m just saying.

This would look great on one old madam. I’m just saying.

And this would look great on….well, parts of it would look great on some people and parts of it would look great on NO ONE.

Whose fug reigns supreme?

  • Elizabeth Olsen (24%, 2,117 Votes)
  • Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen (77%, 6,876 Votes)

Total Voters: 8,986

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Is it weird that I’ve decided Mr Selena Gomez (AKA THE BIEBS) kinda looks like he could be related to Chloe “Fug Madness Mainstay” Sevigny? All this means is that I’ve decided I want Selena Gomez and Chloe to run off together.   That would be some amazing gossip. Although I think Chloe is too old for Selena. (No offense, Sev — we’re basically the same age. We can’t be dating teenagers of any gender without seeming like creepy old ladies.) Also sort of creepy:

Keep your pants on, girl.

I wish Chloe had some pants on here, too. This outfit is bizarre. I can’t even with the hair. Natasha Lyonne is clearly Team GFY.

Put on some pants, Part II. Those are some HOT PANTS.

Other people who ought to consider changing:

I JUST noticed those aren’t tights. They are stockings. And I can see her garters. At a Target party. Wearing a garter belt to Target seems like wearing crotchless panties to Chipotle:  kinda unsanitary, tonally completely off-base, and basically just REALLY WEIRD.

This is not as weird, but it is a bit over the top:

And obviously, I mean TOTALLY over the top, because Marchesa will not be stopped. Marchesa is like diphtheria in an Olde Timey Marriage. It’s gonna get some of us and we won’t be able to recover.

I also won’t be able to recover from this:


Diphtheria strikes the VMAs! GOMEZ DOWN. I REPEAT, GOMEZ DOWN.


Whose fug reigns supreme?

  • Selena Gomez (15%, 1,316 Votes)
  • Chloe Sevigny (85%, 7,649 Votes)

Total Voters: 8,961

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The sad thing about this is, if I had to choose with which of these women I’d rather be trapped in an elevator, it’s Miley all the way. For one thing, I have questions for her about whether or not Liam Hemsworth has more than one facial expression, and if she feels like she ought to have been considered for the role of Katniss in The Hunger Games. I’d only really want to ask Olivia how it felt to have her much-ballyhooed part in Iron Man 2 cut down to half a sentence.

Also, this girl might be fun:

Her inner thighs perhaps could be more of a mystery right now, though. I mean, to me, personally. I don’t need to see them as framed by a pair of Stevie Nicks’s old chaps.

Speaking of Old Chaps:

Yeah, I don’t know what that transition meant, either, but it felt mean! Also: why is Target making so many appearances in this particular round of Fug Madness? Also, why is Target making it so hard for me to return all the Jason Wu I bought? Is Target out to get me?

That’s why you’re not supposed to leave your evening dress out on the back porch, where the sun can get to it. I’m just saying.

And this is why…you should wear your own size in things. NO ONE ELSE KNOWS WHAT SIZE YOU’RE WEARING. SIZE UP. IT’S OKAY.

Speaking of sizing up:

Exhibit B.


That being said:

Well. God. Now I really kind of want to hang out with her.

Whose fug reigns supreme?

  • Miley Cyrus (64%, 5,708 Votes)
  • Olivia Munn (36%, 3,148 Votes)

Total Voters: 8,852

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