I’m low on inspiration today, and Heather Locklear seems like a good place to turn during such a time. Here, in the Dynasty heyday, she’s at the People’s Choice Awards, presumably to celebrate being Chosen — Dynasty and Dallas tied in the niche category Favorite Nighttime Serial, and that result seems absolutely correct — and dressed in resplendent, hideous ’80s white. She’s dripping with spare handkerchiefs and getting slapped in the nethers by stray tassels. She has the dry, backcombed platinum coif that decorated the decade. And the whole thing looks like the fabric cost $5 and itched like a mosquito bite. Can The Youngs ever truly understand how and why the ’80s happened? I don’t know, because I lived in them, and I STILL can’t answer it.

[Photo: Getty]