Halle Berry remains one of the only people in the world, aside from Jamie Lee Curtis and MAYBE Mia Farrow (and probably some players to be named later because I have a terrible memory), whose peak hairdo is a pixie cut. She pulls it off with absolute perfection, and this is not her fault — and it’s not as if she’s any less gorgeous with other hair — but every time I see her, my first thought is, “I wish she still had the pixie. This would look so much better with a pixie.” I also wish she had some lipstick, because pink glistening lips don’t play well off the blood-red shiny fabric and the black sparkles, and then of course PUBIS. It’s difficult to focus on the merits or demerits CROTCH of the dress itself because it’s only about 1/3 of a dress PELVIC BONE and the rest is just a semi-effective modesty strip LADYBITS sewn into a swiss-dot WHY. All this does is basically ensure everyone will spend all night being drawn back to staring at her genitals, trying to discern just how much they’re seeing and of what, and whether her waxer was worth the tip. Aside from being super creepy… doesn’t that just sound exhausting?