Right now, you may be thinking, “But Heather, what is wrong? Emma looks great. She’s got on hot shoes. She’s in a slinky black number, and she’s clinging to Ryan Gosling, who pulled off the unique trick of doing a movie where he falls in love with a sex doll and asks people to acknowledge her as his girlfriend, without affecting people’s perception of him as a hot piece of man-flesh.” So what is my beef? Well. Let’s put it this way: She’s horny, and the way I mean it has nothing to do with Ryan. Although maybe she’s horny for him too. I don’t know her loins. Er, I mean, life. Venture forth with me.

Tags: Emma Stone