Obviously, “Total Eclipse of the Heart” is a fantastic song to belt out, and makes me wish I were not so firmly an alto… okay, probably a bass. I have nevertheless let it rip many, many times in my life. But somehow, improbably, I had not seen the video until today. And the video is resplendently bent.

First, while many doors open at ideal musical moments and they are surprisingly literal with Bright Eyes, he does not turn around, ever, and in fact I don’t believe ANYONE turns around on the correct lyrical cue. Second, Bonnie Tyler appears to be trapped in an inappropriate prep school fantasy — like Dead Poets Society or The Skulls by way of Stephen King:

I laughed out loud when ninjas appeared. There is so much frolicking! And boys who should not be naked in an adult woman’s yearning outer life OR inner life! And then at the end, I have concerns that she may have been hired to be the principal of this school after having JUST experienced this acid trip about them dancing around, so I’m worried nobody checked her references.