Everything is slowly shutting down for the season, which is why we’re left with photos like Brooke Burke-Charvet Does Some Last-Minute Christmas Shopping. I am also doing last-minute Christmas shopping, and let me tell you, it looks nothing like this. My purse is falling halfway down my arm, I’m in a haphazard array of layers because my house is slow to warm up after a chilly L.A. night and so it’s colder inside than out, my hair is half-wet, and sometimes I have forgotten to wipe the toothpaste off whatever nonsense is brewing on my chin. I’m sure she’s either getting paid for this, or tipped off the paps, or both, but girl, realism this is not. But at least she makes me grateful that my pants fit my thighs? I don’t believe these agencies photoshop stuff — they don’t have time, honestly — but the optical illusion here is that someone took a paintbrush to her crotch. I may be slobby, but at least I’m not getting THAT for Christmas.