I’ll be honest: When I found out Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas broke up, I was only LIGHTLY tempted to write this memorial slideshow. But then some outstanding pictures surfaced — which our providers don’t have — of Ben Affleck’s garbage cans, into which a Mysterious Adult Male Mysteriously Being Mysterious About His Identity was stuffing a coy cardboard cutout of Ana de Armas previously seen in the possession of Ben’s children (that article puts a blindly adoring spin on it, as is Cosmo’s wont, but it seems more like Ana and the kids gently trolling either Ben or the paparazzi, or both). Based on a study of the brow line, the Internet has decided said gentleman is Casey Affleck trying to go incognito, and given how bundled up his head is during a heatwave in Los Angeles, I want to believe it. But I’m not convinced, and — this is stupid, I know — I don’t think Casey Affleck would wear any of that. Hopefully someone will solve this mystery. If I were Casey, I’d start IG’ing photos of myself in the Pacific Northwest or something with a quickness.
Anyway, TRUE LOVE IS DEAD, etc., so let’s look back at the 10-month courtship that ran on Dunkin’.