Surely, there is an old duke somewhere with a stately pile who’d be happy to welcome Angelina as the new mistress of his home and legacy. (They’d obviously have An Arrangement; she’ll do countless good works and look sparkling and wonderful at his side, and also be allowed to have discreet assignations with various hot polo players while the old duke shuffles around his library reading books about ornithology and occasionally calls the Queen to chat about the ponies. Oh, shit, did I just marry Angelina off to Porchie Porchester?) Imagine how grand she’ll look on the Buckingham Palace balcony!

[Photos: John Rainford/WENN, NEIL HALL/EPA-EFE/REX/Shutterstock]