A while ago, we had a very amusing convo about everyone’s worst cooking disasters — there was a lot of “AND THEN I SET IT ON FIRE” – and because I had a plumber at my home for nine hours yesterday despite the fact that he came over for a quick fix on a leaky toilet that somehow turned into replacing my entire bathroom sink and involved him yelling things at me like, “BRING ME A WIRE HANGER RIGHT NOW!,” I thought it might be funny to take that topic and pivot to home repairs. Please regale us with your tales of household horrors. I’ll start: three years ago, Heather and I went to the UK to research The Royal We. We were gone about a week. I came home from the airport, went to the bathroom, peed, flushed the toilet and the toilet…just flushed and flushed and flushed and flushed. GALLONS. GALLONS of water. (It is not a low-flow toilet because it’s approximately 90 years old [for real] and it is pink.) California was in a TERRIBLE DROUGHT. I was jetlagged. Due to the Vintage Toilet-ness of it, there is not a way to turn off the water supply to the toilet without breaking through a wall. My plumber was like an hour away. While I am profoundly grateful that the water was going down the drain and not, like, onto the floor, I literally had to go in the other room and shut the bathroom door because the sound of that much water being wasted was agonizing. (They did fix it fairly swiftly, but two hours of just full-blast flushing…)
My other tale of woe is also water/travel related. Last year, Heather and I were going to the UK for the Queen’s birthday. Thrilling! We were taking the red eye, so I waited to take a shower until like two hours before I had to leave to go to the airport, because I wanted my hair to be as fresh as possible because I am vain and it’s awful to get off a flight all musty and gross. I get into the shower and shower and everything is fine and then I go to turn the shower off and THE HANDLE COMES OFF IN MY HAND AND I CANNOT TURN THE SHOWER OFF. Why does my bathroom hate it when I travel!? Why doesn’t my bathroom care about the drought?!? Moreover: I had to leave for the airport in 45 minutes and this was a flight I could not miss or reschedule. AGAIN my plumber ended up saving the day — and my friend Carrie offered to come over and babysit the shower so I could leave, bless her — but basically I’m just not ever going to use water again, is what I am saying.