This Giambattista Valli looks like the cake at a deathbed wedding, so I don’t think this was ever going to end well for Jessica Biel. But unfortunately it didn’t START well, either, or perhaps didn’t start at all. I am perplexed by the styling. Did she forget to hire a glam team, or decide to go without? (Fiscal prudence for the win…?) Did she come out of her barre class and think, “You know what, I am ROCKING this uneven lankness, let’s just roll right into the Children’s Hospital gala”? Did Justin insist on taking the 101 freeway with all the limo doors open?

Chla Gala, Los Angeles, California, United States - 08 Oct 2022

The good news is, he did not act a fool on the red carpet, so maybe that phase is behind him. He also performed at the gala — a mix of covers and his own songs — because a friend called him and asked if he’d do it. This Twitter thread chronicles the whole thing, if you’re so inclined, including a moment when JT politely shot down a dude who asked him to take off his shirt. That is… a bold and probably very drunken request at ANY moment, much less a Children’s Hospital party. Having said that, he probably could’ve auctioned it off for a pretty penny, so maybe that’s an idea for next year.

[Photos: Jim Ruymen/UPI/Shutterstock, John Salangsang/Shutterstock]