Can I just hijack this page for a second to talk about the Real Housewives, and how I don’t understand why I am even still watching New Jersey, as it clearly pales when sandwiched between the awesomeness of New York and what appears to be the awesomeness of DC? NOTHING HAPPENS in NJ other than whining about Danielle Staub, whereas NY has Kelly here, and her satchels of gold and her refusal to eat processed foods whilst hoovering in a packet of Gummi Bears and her confession that sometimes when other people are talking she just “turns the volume down.” I kind of love Kelly, in the way where you don’t want to really KNOW the person, but you are glad she is willing to entertain you with her weirdness, to quote one of Kelly’s one children. As she is here:

Nickelodeon's Beyond the Backpack Kicks Off Auction of Celebrity Backpacks

Dear, sweet Kelly,

Just because the event has the word “backpack” in it, that does not mean that you need to wear an actual schoolgirl outfit. Although your unprecedented modesty is noted and appreciated as a nice change. Thanks for keeping things interesting on RHoNY.