Some of Emma Stone’s problems start at the bottom.

It’s probably a shame that she’s Emma Stone, and yet Shailene Woodley got to these shoes first. It’s also a shame that Emma Stone didn’t look at them that day and think, “Yeah, they definitely need a dark pedicure to avoid looking like a tweehouse of horrors,” and also, “Maybe I don’t WANT my feet to look like Barbie gift-wrapped them.” Of course, they may be the least of her problems. I think Emma might have some tells. Sometimes she stands up straight and sells her clothes, and other times, she gets a little hunchy, as if even she is not totally sold that she should have worn whatever it is out of the house.

See? Not helping. For all I know this is very pretty in person, but it photographs awkwardly on her, especially when she can’t seem to muster up any excitement over showing it off. So it ends up looking like Half Pint’s musty underslip, and that she’s practically wheedling us not to say anything. Unfortunately for her I have loud typing fingers.

At least I like her makeup and earrings. They’re all that save her from looking washed out in that thing, so score one for pink lippy and a hit of turquoise. And for her face, in general. Oh, to be young and unlined again.