So, I’m sure you guys all know about how Heather and I are basically incapable of resisting most Teen Dramas. Seriously: I love them. I watch them all. If The CW goes out of business, I will quite sincerely be bereft. But there is one that I just can’t watch: Secret Life of the American Teenager. And it is because I seriously can not take the amount of time they spend talking about sex. Like, I get it. I was an American Teenager, too. Teenagers are interested in sex. (Everyone is interested in sex.) But NOTHING ELSE HAPPENS ON THAT SHOW EXCEPT PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT SEX. Like, this is a teen drama. You have OPTIONS: why aren’t people, like, developing eating disorders or stealing math tests or accidentally murdering people whilst drunk-driving or fixing basketball games or falling into comas?

2010 Teen Choice Awards - Arrivals

Francia Raisa here is on said show, but because I can’t deal with the amount of time they say the word “sex” in the dialogue — seriously, I counted once and that word was uttered 46 TIMES IN ONE EPISODE — I can’t really tell you what she does on it, although I do know she is “the slutty one,” because she puts out. And judging from the ads I’ve seen during the other shows on ABC Family that I watch (and sincerely LOVE — Greek, when are you coming back to me? I miss Cappie), her character may have gotten knocked up. Because clearly one must be punished for having SEX. I mean, this is a show where a girl HAD SEX and as she was HAVING SEX her FATHER DIED IN A PLANE CRASH AND WHEN SHE BLAMED HERSELF (saying that GOD KILLED HER DAD because she had SEX), everyone was kind of like, “maybe? Try not to think about it” instead of saying, “DUDE, God is NOT going to kill someone because YOU had premarital sex. THAT IS NOT HOW IT WORKS.” So, yeah. That show is whack.