I KNOW I make this joke every year, but I really, really mean it: I wish there were a Individuals of a Certain Age Awards (maybe Girls of a Certain Age can sponsor it) that just trotted out all kinds of thirty- and forty-something hot dudes for our eye candy pleasure. Instead of “What IS a Cody Simpson,” I could be saying, “and here’s the winner of Choice Naked Dude, MICHAEL FASSBENDER,” or “here’s your Choice Hot Dad, HEMSWORTH THE GREATER,” or “everyone, give it up for your Choice Hot Old Dude,” and then introduce the choicest Hot Old Dude. (I can’t remember who we decided that was, last time we talked about Hot Old Dudes.) The final award would be the Ferris Bueller It Is So Choice Choice, of course, and then we’d all be home by 11. But while I work on getting this together, here ARE some Teen Choice Award Dudes. SOME of them ARE kinda old for teens, Jason Dohring.