Suki’s hat does say COMFORT, so she’s certainly not falsely advertising, but: I can’t even process her cacophonous patterns because I’m too busy staring at her feet. This was an AOL Build appearance, which I gather is some kind of panel discussion about your career and not a seminar on how to create something that will inundate people with free CDs in the mail. And although the photographer there tried to do her a solid inside the venue by cutting off her feet, I found some video in which she’s still wearing those adidas slides. TO WORK. IN A PROFESSIONAL SETTING THAT IS NOT SOMEHOW CONNECTED TO TEAM SPORTS. Why? Why is she doing this? Is she making a movie about soccer? Is she playing, like, Kristine Lilly in the story of the 1999 Women’s World Cup, in which Brandi Chastain is obviously being played by Laura Dern because Laura Dern is ageless and can do anything whenever she wants?
While I am not someone who believes in formal flip-flops, I do recognize that versions of them exist — gold, sparkly, whatever — but these aren’t even trying to be High-Fashion Athleisure Slides. (In a way, thank God for that; some things really should just be what they are.) They’re just eyesores. STOP. YOU ARE NOT IN THE SHOWER IN COLLEGE. … Wait, does she think she’s in the shower in college?
Also, button your shirt, and your shorts KIND OF make it look like you have buttocks in front. It says a lot about my disdain for wearing adidas slides to work that I’m just tacking that onto the end.