“Oh, thanks, yes, um… I wasn’t prepared to give a toast, the bride told me I wouldn’t… but… what can I say about Penelope and Maxwell… lovely couple… It was pretty clearly love, wasn’t it, when they first gave in to temptation at my and Max’s engagement party, but, er, obviously, um, we’re all great friends and… still, they did make me speak here, didn’t they, and put me in a dress with a big X on it, as if I’m marked, so perhaps I’m well shot of that shitnosed bastard, and I should stop pretending to be chums with his drippy cow wife, shouldn’t I? So pass the bubbly and raise a glass to Mr. and Mrs. Rat-Arse. GOOD LUCK. You have dreadfully dull taste in dresses.”

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]