In the throes of a break-up, everyone has thought, “I can’t even. I’m just going to wear this horrible jumpsuit. It’s like an adult onesie. It’s all I can manage. Leave me alone.” (When I was in college, substitute “overalls” for “jumpsuit.”) We FEEL YOU. We have BEEN THERE. This is the sartorial equivalent of eating a jar of marshmallow fluff stirred into a quart of ice cream. It’s the experience of watching Chasing Liberty DVRed off USA Network over and over again while crying into the Cheeto crumbs that are stuck in your bra, expressed via fabric. It allows both for expressive wallowing and binge-eating. It is the perfect break-up outfit. BUT YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO WEAR IT OUTSIDE. When you go outside, even though your innards are begging you to just lie down (like, right there, in that bush) and submit yourself to misery, you HAVE to pull it together because as far as other people are concerned (SEAL) you have never felt better and things are JUST SO GREAT. In other words, babe, at the very least you’ve got to 86 those sneaks.
And hang in there. We’ll be over later with Crossroads and a vat of queso. This too shall pass.