Look, I understand when Shakespeare LITERALLY dedicated a Folio to you* that you might justifiably be feeling yourself, but does any man TRULY need this many capes and/or unclaimed skirt-like objects? Sure, you were a real favorite of the king**, but must you drape yourself in THIS MUCH excess fabric? Oh, I get it — you eventually, per Professor Wiki, became “notorious for [your] violent assaults, which were usually unprovoked, but were invariably forgiven by the King,***” so maybe you think you can get away with this. To that, I say,  given that the NEXT king eventually got fed up with your shenanigans and broke ties with you when you BEAT ANOTHER DUDE WITH A CANE DURING A MEETING****, maybe now is not the time to draw quite this much attention to yourself? Just saying.

Having said all that, congrats on living through the English Civil War*, having a rad mother who invented invisible ink*, and also for being the forebearer of the folks who live at Highclere Castle/Downton Abbey, thereby bringing all of us a lot of pleasure.* Also, your beard is impressively pointy, and I appreciate your kicky red bracelet — but, seriously. You know what they say: Look in the mirror before you pose for a painting and take off at LEAST one cape. Think about it!!

**in a way that, honestly, made me felt like Wikipedia was implying something
***what was I just saying?
****bro, we all hate meetings but CALM DOWN

[Photo by: Universal History Archive/Universal Images Group via Getty Images]