This event was the Spotify Feelin’ Myself Fashion Show, which I am just putting out there because — although most people who walked the red carpet AND the runway wore different things to each — it is entirely possible that rapper BIA did not pick this out herself, or for herself. So she may, as a human, not be afflicted with Pants Madness. But SOMEBODY was. If I described these to you as “pants that are attached at the crotch,” you might just imagine… pants, maybe with a Frankenstein seam at the top of the thigh. But then you’d see them and be like, “OMG, her pants are ATTACHED at the CROTCH.” In the end, I’m not really sure how else to describe them. They’re… pants that are attached at the crotch. Perhaps BY the crotch is more accurate? They are hanging on by threads that are concentrated in her crotch, and now I’ve typed the word crotch too much and it doesn’t mean anything to me anymore. It’s just a sound now. Croooootch. Like a cross between a croak and the booooock sound of a chicken’s cluck, but also possibly as uttered by a parrot. Wow. It’s Monday. It’s EARLY for me to be this loopy. Is pants madness… HAPPENING TO ME????

[Photo: Presley Ann/Getty Images for Spotify]