This is both a perfectly fine dress, and — I think — a very understandable statement of, “To all you people who thought I was hiding in our apartment because I am pregnant, I kindly present to you: my bod.”

She’s got a great necklace, some bracelets, and enough lip color that she does not look recently expired, all of which are massive checks in the “yes” column. It might be pulling weirdly in her thigh region, but that’s nothing compared to my real beef: her hair in her face. And they kept doing this terrible camera at the Oscars where the presenters had to turn away from the audience and face downstage left to present their awards, and never did I want to reach through the screen and jam a barrette in her face more than that moment. You have two eyes. USE THEM BOTH. And yet, with only one, she was one of the few people who did not flub her lines, so maybe her right eye IS totally inconsequential and she knows better than I do. Wouldn’t be the first time. BUT IT WILL BE THE LAST. What am I even saying? I’m so tired, you guys. I keep typing “Jerrica Bill” which really should be her next hotel pseudonym.

[Photos: Getty]