Your shoes and your face are great, Erika. Love that lipstick. It’s the MIDDLE we need to discuss.

It’s a shirt, friend. It’s a SHIRT. A long shirt. Technically, I’m sure, a tunic. But a shirt nonetheless. It has shirt DNA. Its parents were shirts, born of other shirts. They met in Shirtcago, married in Mississishirti, settled in Shirtboygan.

And now. You’re at an Oscar party, and yes, I grant you, some people in your vicinity probably are not wearing enough shirt. But party dress codes are not based on the law of averages. Insufficient shirting plus at LEAST a fourth-generation native of Wisconshirt shirt does not balance out into perfection.

[Photo: Getty]