“Here’s what I’m thinking, babe. A totally sheer lace mini that also has, like, a zing of Dangerous Liaisons to it — you know what I mean? And like, the only thing covering your nipples is a randomly place bit of trim! Like a notions store hosted a burlesque show!”

“And, like, granny panties underneath, I assume?”

“NO. No! THAT’S the genius bit. You’re gonna wrap a giant curtain around your hips and when I say ‘giant,’ I mean giant. You’ll have a TRAIN. It’s gonna be 1984 Bic Highlighter Chartreuse and it’s gonna be so very.”

“Yeah. It sounds very something.”

“Just trust me, babe. Listen. PEOPLE WILL TALK.”

[Photo by Stephen Lovekin/Variety/REX/Shutterstock]