I am very rarely speechless, but it turns out that a dress wherein the bodice is merely two stallions gazing into each other’s eyes across a field of boob does the trick. This is Heinous McCrazy and I cannot even figure out who the target market is — My Little Pony enthusiasts with a black tie event on the calendar? Racehouse owners who really want to make a splash at the Kentucky Derby pre-parties? National Velvet megafans who plan to throw a themed birthday for the ages? I DO NOT KNOW — but I don’t think it’s Zendaya.

She wore this the night prior:

Embed from Getty Images

I mean, I don’t love it, but at least it’s not two ponies having a staring contest on her cleav.

[Photo: Lia Toby/WENN.com]