She also, as we learned in writing this piece, may well be the WORST DRESSED CELEB OF ALL TIME. I’m serious:

Jessica’s repeated abuse of jeans has deep roots. It’s hard to believe
that anyone who dressed like this ever got a date, but girlfriend is
showing a lot of skin, and this was the dark ages — an era during which
Hilary Duff and Lindsay Lohan nearly came to blows over Chad Michael
Murray, and 98 Degrees was a real band

I can’t WAIT for you to see the first couple of slides. They are AWESOMELY BAD. Pop on over to the Cut for more!