“Hello, I’m Mama Shailene.”

“You just sit your tushie on down and relax and maybe bake up some kale chips while I find some peyote.”

Earlier in the night, though, Shailene did at least bring it to the Late Show (and, I hope, poured out some kale chips for the lost Letterman dumpster):

That is Valentino, it’s adorable on her, the shoes are great, and the sunglasses are CRAZY sassy. I’m sure she took those off to talk to Dave, but this whole thing makes me forget that she sunbathes her vagina and forages for food, or whatever — all fine, just not my speed — and instead makes me want to go shopping with her before a really long liquid lunch.

[Photos: Getty, Splash]