If you’ve ever wondered, as I do, whether it’s as hard to walk in those skintight fishtail-hem gowns as it appears, let this be your answer:

Getting Beyonce up these stairs was a two-person deal. She needed a plus-one AND a leg-wrangler. She essentially had to be shoved up the stairs. I know fashion is pain, but what if she’d needed to get somewhere in a hurry? What if the only bathroom in the entire joint was up two flights of stairs with no elevator? Would it all have been worth it? Was it worth it even so?

She even STANDS like she can’t move without help. Did they POUR it onto her? How many employees do you think it took just to get it on her body? And what does THAT hiring process look like? I am pretty sure if you put an ad on Craigslist asking for able-bodied folk who are ready for this jelly, you would get a lot of creeps and no small number of canning enthusiasts.

Jay Z is like, “Sweet brothel sandwich, is it going to be like that ALL NIGHT? Because if I sweat through my white tux jacket, you WILL pay the cleaning bill, Pucci.”

As always, I’d rethink this by chopping off the dark cloud raining over her feet. I also think that is some seriously ill-used cleavage — it doesn’t look sexy so much as swollen. Would a gentler neckline help, or even filling in that panel altogether? Boobs should look bodacious, not bruised.

What would you do? FIX IT. HELP HER. Beyonce needs to walk.