This, to me, is not an outfit.

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This is something that a Project Runway designer would send down the runway and call “resort wear” because, you know, people wear shorts over their bathing suits at actual resorts when they’re going back and forth from the pool, right? And then Heidi Klum would say something like, “You can’t go low-cut AND super short,” and we’d all remember her Emmy dress and LAUGH AND LAUGH AND LAUGH and then of course the designer would be auf’ed because those aren’t even two well-made or attractive pieces and you could get their equals at Forever 21. Which might be an insult to Forever 21, actually.