Did you know that I have a line of lingerie now? It’s true. I read a poem about it at New York Fashion Week and then I sent a care package of it to Kate Middleton because I know you never thought about this before but I totally love Kate Middleton and that makes sense doesn’t it? JUSTIN IS MY PRINCE WILLIAM. Jessica Biel is my….person that Prince William dated that I don’t like but who he eventually broke up with and now NO ONE KNOWS HER NAME yes that totally works out.
And you know what else? People are making fun of me for starting a lingerie line but what those dinguses don’t know is that all twenty or whatever of my perfumes have made sincerely like ONE KAJILLION DOLLARS, and people are totally going to buy my underwear, too. I’m not kidding. Just like Jessica Simpson, licensing will keep me afloat in my old age. Whatever that means. That’s just something my mother wrote on the white board over my desk. ANYWAY. I’m a business lady now so let’s look at the stuff I wore to the office.
PS: Seriously, Kate, you can call me whenever you want. We have a lot in common, like: People pay attention to us when we leave the house, people put a lot of thought into our hair, and we also both have a “T” in our names and I swear to god if people are mean to you online I WILL go hit them with an umbrella if you want me to. I’ll hit them HARD. Think about it. We would be an unexpected team, but sometimes the unexpected is exactly what is anticipated. (I read that on the side of a bus once.)