“What? You did not see this coming? You think that because I am the sun to your universe, and my abs are like stale carbs I bought for show two months ago but never touched, and most of my clothing has windows, and even my mirrors have mirrors, and that my spirit has 20/20 vision for your soul, that I am not serious? That I do not sometimes need glasses? Lovers, I have to have one flaw. And I need to read, lovers. I am hungry. I read the price tag on this coat, and the instructions on the razor I am going to give to Bruce Willis so that he goes bald again because there is no other way for him and he needs to admit it. I read People’s Most Beautiful issue the time I was in it and I think it stopped printing after that because I never saw another one. I read every single word anyone wrote about Bangfleck and his nanny because that is SOCIAL JOURNALISM. I read The New York Times crossword. I read Physics For Future Presidents. What has five letters and cannot be contained by down or across because you do not have this body if regular physics applies to you?

jennifer lopez rock the kasbah

“That’s right. LOPEZ. I win again.”

[Photos: Fame/Flynet]