Here’s what I REALLY want to know: If Keri Russell IS wearing leather shorts, is there someway to magick Rachel-Bilson-as-Zoe-Hart-on-Hart-of-Dixie into this final season of The Americans? Can she…hang on, I can crack this. Just give me a second. Okay. Yes, I’ve got it: Obviously, there is a time machine hidden somewhere in BlueBell, right? That sounds true. Tom and Wanda made one and thought it didn’t work, and shoved it into a barn somewhere, and obviously it DOES work, and Zoe Hart falls into it and through space and time and TV networks and into The Americans, where she finds herself working as the secret, off-the-book doctor for the KGB (she ends up working for the Russians because Elizabeth and Philip figure out her time-travel secret and blackmail her into doing it; Philip claims he’s going to figure out a way to send her back to the future [oh, look what I did there!] but he’s lying). Elizabeth comes to love and adopt Zoe’s leather shorts; Zoe eventually turns into a Communist who loves bad wigs. This is going to be a surprising development but I feel good about it.

[Photo: Curtis Means/ACE Pictures/]