If you’ve ever wondered what Rihanna would have looked like if she’d been part of the Seattle music scene circa, say, 1993? VOILA:
For a woman adept at wearing NONE of the clothes, it seems she is now wearing ALL of the clothes. But this got me to thinking: If they were to remake Singles (but not update it, you HAVE to keep it in the period in which it was created), Rihanna, in this very outfit, could play the gender-flipped role previously inhabited by Matt Dillion. I think she’d be kind of awesome in a part of a dim (but not) evil musician fronting a band called Citizen Dick, who is basically a very bad girlfriend through no real fault of her own other than unwillingness to make literally any effort at all. Of course, this means we would need to come up with a gentle dude-soul who loves wearing hats and just wants someone to say “God bless you” when he sneezes to play Janet, the Bridget Fonda role, but we can do that. Let’s make this happen, you guys. It’s a travesty and a desecration of Singles, which I love, but it’s also the only way humanity will get to experience the Singles/Reality Bites 90s mash-up wherein Citizen Dick opens for Hey, That’s My Bike, a fanfic I’ve been wanting to write since…well, since Singles played on Encore last week, but whatever. The 90s are back!