And by “it,” yes, I do mean “Paris.” Think of it this way, Hilton: Imagine the kind of press you’d eventually get if you disappeared for four years because you decided to go to college and get a degree in….oh, let’s just say anthropology. People would FREAK OUT if, in 2019, you emerged from a library somewhere and said, “hey, you guys! No, people DID NOT just stop inviting me places. Actually, I decided to take part of my fortune and learn some stuff about other people, and now I’m moving to a remote island in the Pacific to study linguistical development as it happens without the benefit of outside media.” And THEN what if you did it and you were gone, in the field, for like a REALLY, really really long time? And then when you came back, you could write an award-winning book about what you learned? And everyone would be all, “who would have thought that Paris Hilton would become a noted intellectual?” There would FOR SURE be a media storm over this that you, noted wooer of attention on a mass scale, would, I think , find very satisfying.  Eventually. Like, a really long time from now.  A really really long time from now. But it would totally be worth it, I promise. TRY IT.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]