These have always brought me luck,” said Elizabeth Taylor, walking up to a poker table and sliding her favorite White Diamonds into the pot.

“Oh, well, if we’re giving shit away,” huffed Natalie Portman, coming up behind her, “then take this dress I had made to look like it was ripped from the 1960s, so that when I won my Globe for playing Jackie Kennedy it would give everyone a really cute little headline about it. Yeah. That brought me luck. Soooo much f*cking luck. I got to listen to the ENTIRE room whoop it up because Isabelle Huppert pulled the upset win over me, and it is seriously awkward because by extension it means everyone is stoked I was stuck in my seat trying not to SCREAM, and I maybe should have saved this for the SAGs and now instead I’m going to end up in some black Dior thing or whatever and they’ll be like ‘NATALIE PORTMAN: WIDOW DRESSING’ because I played a widow too, and man, I hate the Hollywood Foreign Press Association. So. TAKE THIS TOO. I HOPE YOU LOSE IT.”

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]