If NBC had canceled Parenthood or Parks and Rec for any of the shows on display at upfronts, I would have GONE INSANE FROM RAGE. The Michael J. Fox comedy might be okay, maybe; the others seem resoundingly average, if not bad. The Blacklist is basically James Spader chortling for an hour (and, Jess pointed out, full of a bunch of people doing that thing I HATE where they fake-type but forget to hit the space bar, like, JUST TYPE YOUR NAME OVER AND OVER AND IT WILL LOOK MORE BELIEVABLE), although you know I will probably tune in for that a couple times because James Spader chortling for any length of time is weirdly hypnotic. Dracula looks nonsensical, and I don’t understand why Jonathan Rhys-Meyers couldn’t just be BRITISH because instead he occasionally sounds like he’s holding his breath while constipated. And Ironsidejust watch. I kid you not, there is a line where some says to Detective Blair Underwood Ironside, “Dammit, there are PROCEDURES to be FOLLOWED,” and then later there is the cliched line about how He Has A Different Perspective From Down There (Which Is In His Wheelchair, In Case You Missed It). I love Blair Underwood, but Jessica is right: That entire reel felt like the lines were written in the hopes that David Caruso would pop by and rip off his sunglasses.

[Photos: Getty]