During Met Ball Mania, we missed both the U.K. and U.S. premieres of Dark Shadows. And here is where I am about to cast myself away on a lonely island, with nary a balding adventurer, nor hero-complex-imbued doctor, nor fiending rocker, nor former torturer, nor even a raffish rake with MacGyver’d specs to keep me amused. Are you ready? Okay: I am maybe a little weary of Helena Bonham Carter’s style, even though I do recognize that it is super amusing and individual; sometimes I wish she would stop making Tim Burton movies, because seeing her in The King’s Speech reminded me what a terrific actress she still is when she’s not playing a human cartoon all the time; and — this is the biggie — I have never really understood the Johnny Depp thing. I KNOW. I’m sorry. I mean, as an ACTOR, I think he’s very talented, but as a heartthrob, he does not compute for me. Perhaps this is because I missed out on 21 Jump Street because it didn’t air where I grew up? We may never know. But there it is: I would not like to be a Depper too. So bring it. Pillory me, Fug Nation. I know it’s coming. The line forms to the left.
Also within: Michelle Pfeiffer and Eva Green, the latter of whom should totally have her own vigilante alter ego called Dark Shadows.