So I guess… there was a plot afoot recently to castrate and murder Justin Bieber, which the authorities foiled.

And I don’t mean to make light of it, because I have to imagine it’s scary to wake up one day and have a cop call you and say, “Son, some lady wants to cut off your junk.”  But… maybe that’s why he’s  been wearing sack pants? If you don’t know where it IS, then it’ll be harder to HURT IT.

… Nope, still no excuse.

[Photo: Getty]