RENEE: Hello! Hi! Bridget is pregnant! We made a movie! It’s… God, I hope this wasn’t a mistake.
PATRICK DEMPSEY: I’M BACK EVERYONE.
RENEE: I just… was it smart to bring back Bridget? For a movie that has nothing to do with the third book, even?
PATRICK: YES THAT’S RIGHT, VIVA McDREAMY! I AM NOT BLINKING AWAY THE SPOTLIGHT!
RENEE: And this dress isn’t quite right, and the shoes are boring…
PATRICK: HANG ON I MIGHT NOT BE BLINKING AT ALL ACTUALLY.
RENEE: What am I even doing?!? I just want people to stop talking about my face and remember that they like me! UGH, I’m so NERVOUS!
PATRICK: McMAYDAY. EYELIDS NOT FULLY OPERATIONAL.
RENEE: I’m so sorry everyone! I just… it seemed fun, and maybe it’s not terrible? I’m dying here waiting to find out if you’re mad at me! Oh well! Look, if everyone hates the movie, maybe we can just… make HBO run “Down With Love” for a while? Remember that speech at the end? When the camera didn’t cut away from me for the entire thing? I’m winsome! YOU LOVE ME! YOU DO!
PATRICK: EYEDROPS. I NEED EYEDROPS. OH GOD IT’S GETTING SO McDRY UP IN HERE.
RENEE: Speaking of, where’s McDarcy, anyway? Or was he here and I just blinked and missed him?
PATRICK: OH COME ON I WOULD KILL TO BLINK AND McMISS SOMEONE RIGHT NOW.