The No. 1 seeds are all still in play, but there are a whopping seven double-digit-ranked players alive. It’s about to get real in the Sweet Sixteen. Here’s the updated bracket:
And click through to read the Round Two winners and their opponents. Hint: There’s a Battle of the Jessicas:
(1) MILEY CYRUS vs. (13) KRISTEN STEWART: Thursday, March 27th
Miss Miley continues her reign of terror, dispatching Jennifer Morrison with a handy 80% of the vote. K. Stew continues her Cinderella season — borne on the power of her heinous Met Gala jumpsuit and a variety of other evil pairs of pants — by smacking down Olivia Munn with almost as wide a margin of victory. But can she take down The Tongue?
(10) SARAH PAULSON vs. (14) MADONNA: Friday, March 28th
Madge’s grill pushed her over the top in her battle against Nicole Scherzinger and her Catsuit of Death; Madonna barely won with 53% of the vote. It remains to be seen if she has enough left in that tank to take down Sarah Paulson, who took January Jones to school.
(2) RITA ORA vs. (11) VANESSA HUDGENS: Thursday, March 27th
Hudgens and her dippy, hippie personal style sailed through her match-up against Zoe Saldana, capturing 65% of the vote to win the right to get down and dirty with Rita Ora. Rita took down Ashanti with a mere 57% of the vote, and our prediction is that this is going to be a close one.
(1) KIM KARDASHIAN vs. (4) ELLIE GOULDING: Friday, March 28th
Kimmy continues to sail through these early rounds, taking care of Beyonce with relative ease and 82% of the vote; Elle Goulding took down Jena Malone with 73%, but the real question is: can she dig deep and really bring it when she’s up against the Kardashian and victory is on the line?
(1) RIHANNA vs. (12) ZOSIA MAMET: Thursday, March 27th
Rihanna took down Jessica Biel with a closer-than-I-anticipated-actually 71% of the vote; Zosia upset Kristen Wiig with 65%. This is a strange pairing of women, and frankly, it could go either way.
(2) KATY PERRY vs. (3) PAULA PATTON: Friday, March 28th
Katy Perry barely eked out a win over Heidi Klum (like Madonna before her, her grill may have helped), but it remains to be seen if she can tackle Fug Madness juggernaut Paula Patton and her ruffled gowns.
(2) JESSIE J vs. (11) JESSICA WHITE: Thursday, March 27th
Two Jessicas enter, one Jessica leaves. And one, I guess, types. (That one is me.) Ms White dispatched Cate and her Care Blanchett, whereas Jessie J finally took down Malin Akerman’s Crimes Against Her Own Boobs. Time for a Jessica Cagematch!
(1) LADY GAGA vs. (13) JADEN SMITH: Friday, March 28th
This is surely what Will and Jada have been praying for. Will the Biebs-Surrogate and his wacky pantaloons be able to take down the QUEEN of Wacky (or no) Pantaloons? Somewhere at the Pinkett-Smith household, the Rocky theme plays as Will and Jada force Jaden to punch a side of beef. Anything can happen!
