The 2017 Golden Globes: The TV Contenders

The Crown has all the makings of a winner: It is recent enough that people are still buzzing, it is a costume drama, it handles real historical figures, and it cost a metric shit-ton of cash. Every frame leaks cash, to the point where I’m surprised a dollar didn’t shoot out of my iPad every time I loaded an episode. I think it was an imperfect first season that got better as it went, but I’m not sure the HFPA will care about wall-to-wall quality when it’s so luxe and buzzy.

Everyone I know who watches Game of Thrones says this was an excellent season. (Please do not try and convince me to watch it. I’ve sat with it here and there, and I just don’t enjoy it, and I’m way too old to pretend otherwise.) I think I read that they’ve shot past where the books stop, right? I keep hoping that the show will end, and then George R.R. Martin will be like, “HAH, just kidding, I have the next four books written and they are going to BLOW YOUR MINDS OFF YOUR FACES,” and they’ll be entirely and completely different than what the show envisions. That would stir some entertaining shit.

I binged this only recently, and thoroughly enjoyed it. In a way, it reminded me of Super 8, another sci-fi period piece. Both movies enjoyed a skilled cast of child actors — Elle Fanning highlighting one, in her bridge from kid to young lady; Millie Bobbie Brown in the other — and both wore trappings of their decades with ease, never letting the kitsch of the eras overshadow the characters who lived in them. The music was deftly used, the adventure was cool… I got sucked into the Upside Down and was happy to be there. (Still don’t get the fuss about Barb, though.)

Mild spoilers herein… I watch this show. I very nearly didn’t, because the ads are so smug. Any show that lays so hard and so fast into “Every once in a while… a show comes along…” is generally a show that makes me want to smack it upside its own head. But, a) the promos aren’t their fault; that’s all NBC, and b) there is some really, really nice stuff happening on there, or at least the potential for it. Sterling K. Brown is a GENIUS. He’s funny, he’s moving, he’s cool, he’s dorky. The actress playing his wife is a delight; they are my favorite married couple on TV right now. A tiny throwaway exchange about Randall deciding he would be cooler if he learned an instrument, given that his newly discovered birth father was a musician, turned into one of the more memorable moments on the show because of the gentle, loving way she ribbed him for it. Randall’s struggles with his race and identity, as a father of a black family and an adopted member of a white one, have been well-handled, for example. Justin Hartley is being woefully overlooked, because he makes gold out of the meager moments he’s handed.  His timing is stellar. Mandy and Chrissy, we can talk about when we get to them, as the show’s lone acting nominees. Suffice it to say that I think there’s some good meat on these bones, but occasionally you can feel it creaking under the weight of its own self-importance.

This show bored the teeth out of me. But somehow — the massive quantity of think-pieces every week, maybe — it became the Internet’s new darling. I still think the Globes voters will suck up to the costly Crown project, in part because a foreign press probably wants to suck up to a foreign project, but this probably has a shot.

I’m only halfway through Atlanta, because my husband and I watch it together, so I can’t just knock it out while he’s at work. It’s good, and unexpected, and I can’t at all tell where it’s going — in a way that on some shows loses me, but this one, I’m pleasantly relaxed about letting it pull me along at its own pace.

I picked this up this season — in time for Daveed Diggs and his upper arms, mercifully — and I like that they’ve taken on issues of race and religion amidst the fluffier episodes about social media. It would be a worthy winner, but I have a weird feeling the HFPA will go with something a little more experimental and a little less clearly defined as a comedy.

Mozart in the Jungle is super charming and odd — it might be that rare show that’s not actually THAT good, but is also totally delightful to consume. And anything that employs Bernadette Peters is okay by me.

I’ve not seen Transparent yet. I want to! I only have so many hours, and embarrassingly many of them are spent working to the soothing sounds of 90210 reruns.  Donna Martin is going to get hammered at the Prom next week. WATCH OUT FOR MRS. TEASLEY, GIRL.

That this show feels less like a parody right now might hurt its chances. It’s brilliant either way, though.

Again, y’all know my deal with Mr. Robot. It extends to his performance on it. I cannot.

I still haven’t finished Better Call Saul’s second season. And it’s not because I don’t like it. Rather, it’s this weird thing where I like it SO MUCH that I feel suffocated by knowing it’s a prequel to Breaking Bad and therefore a) where it goes, and b) that I’m fairly sure along the way, the shit of life will hit his fan, because none of these people are in Breaking Bad and it hurts my heart, like I’m a five-year old or something. I don’t WANT Jimmy McGill’s life-shit to hit anything. I want him to RULE OVER ALL.

His season on The Americans was stronger than Keri’s, I think, just because of certain plots… I’m trying not to spoil anyone who’s on the fence about watching it. WATCH IT. His wigs alone are magnificent.

Ray Donovan has not found a place in my home. Sorry, Ray. But Liev sure does point with authority, so I’m sure he’s stellar on it.

Goliath is an Amazon show, on which I gather Billy Bob plays a disgraced lawyer going up against his former firm in The Case Of His Lifetime. You get the idea. Is Amazon shelling out a TON OF MONEY to the HFPA? We’ll see, I guess.

I feel like I wouldn’t give it to her just for the opening minute or two of Outlander season two premiere. It was… a lot of wailing. She’s subtly lovely in so much of the rest, though, and nothing can catch the Scottish light quite like her face.

She’ll win this, right? If nothing else, it’s the performance people who didn’t watch any of this stuff will look at and think, “She played the Queen? That thing looked gorgeous. CHECK.”

She should’ve won by now, honestly. The Americans is wonderful and newly terrifying and ferocious. But I feel a little like it’s getting nominated for Globes and Emmys because we all finally wore them down, and not because anyone plans to give out any statues here.

I’ll be honest: I’m not sure I think Winona is all that great in Stranger Things. There is a LOT of bug-eyed incredulity and panic. But in a weird way, that’s also exactly why I think she IS good in it. For whatever reason, I find Crazy Overacting Winona really entertaining, in the right way.

I would not be at ALL surprised to see her take this, as the ostensible heart of Westworld.

Anthony might be the lead on black-ish, and he’s totally fine on it, but he’s not the best part. He does look dapper in that polka-dot shirt, though.

He’s extremely amusing in this, although the true star for me is the ensemble. I haven’t watched season three yet; what season is this nomination even for? Again, they need to print this stuff. Give us a primer. Regardless: Gael actually won this last year, so it’s ENTIRELY plausible he could do it again.

I will be honest and say that I beyond hated Community, and the mere sound of the words “Troy and Abed in the Morning” are like fingernails across my mental chalkboard. And that was my only experience with Donald Glover, so the quiet dignity of his work in what I’ve seen of Atlanta was a total revelation. The big problem with network TV will always be that it’s too expensive to let shows find themselves, with a few lucky exceptions. That’s a big part of why some of the more interesting work is being done on Netflix and cable, and that’s got to be so freeing to someone like Glover, who created this show in addition to starring in it. He gets to nurture his baby with fewer — or even just different — dragons breathing down his neck.

Did you know Sela Ward is on Graves? Neither did I. It’s an Epix show (!!) about a former president who admits to how badly he screwed up, or whatever, and…  it’s a comedy? I don’t know. Do I even get Epix? Where is Epix? In related news: Good for Epix, y’all.

If this were the Emmys, I’d assume he’d win, but I honestly think it’s possible they’ll give it to Donald Glover.

Listen. I love this show. The episode that ended with Donna trapped in the bathroom was full of funny musical numbers, not least of which was the “Trapped In The Closet” parody that sprang from Donna’s predicament. But, if you can please imagine me as Doc Brown at the end of Back to the Future right now: It’s your main titles, Rachel. Something’s GOT to be done about your main titles. (Translation: I hate them so much, and think they will drive away people who would otherwise be pleasantly surprised by how smart the show can be.)

I know people are bored with her constantly being nominated, and/or winning. I felt like that about Bryan Cranston and Breaking Bad, until I actually binge-watched Breaking Bad and understood that he richly deserved it each and every time. That’s where I am with Julia here. Yes, okay, sure, it feels like the lazy pick, but it’s NOT because there is nothing lazy about her performance. She’s just as magnificent every single time.

Unlike with JLD, I think SJP is nominated here solely because the HFPA loved Sex and the City. I couldn’t have found Divorce more intolerable. Thomas Haden Church may show himself out now.

I’m thrilled Issa got recognized for Insecure. I only saw two episodes, but Jessica was raving about it to me the other day, in particular the way it handles female friendships. I might actually really, really like every single nominee in this category, except for poor SJP. Whom I like very much as a HUMAN; just not on her show.

I stopped watching Jane the Virgin because, I kid you not, I thought I’d set a season pass for it three times, and it apparently never took. I think my DVR knew what it was doing, because — spoiler, I guess? — when the show went all-in on Michael, I would’ve stopped watching anyway. None of that takes away from how delightful Gina is, though. Or, let’s face it, from what a miracle it is that The CW has found room for three seasons of a show with this premise. They trusted that it could adapt, and it has, uniquely and brilliantly (aside from boring Michael, although I DO love his bromance with Rogelio). The CW being a baby network with lower ratings bars has been great for its shows, because they get the blessing of time.

She’s wonderful on black-ish. I was watching the one that just aired about her younger daughter finding a porn video on YouTube, and I actually thought to myself, “I should listen to what Tracee Ellis Ross says here because maybe that’ll come in handy someday and she’s a great parent.” IT’S A SHOW, HEATHER. GET A GRIP. Such is the power of Tracee. She makes you feel like she’s really sharing with you, or parenting you.

American Crime, American Crime Story (officially part of the OJ show’s title), and in other years, American Horror Story… just waiting for a series called American Horror and American Story just so we can really cover all those bases. American Crime, an anthology series, is supposed to be pretty good, and has earned trophies for Regina King in the past, but… honestly, for that show, I think the nomination is the win because it’s not very highly rated but if it’s lauded then it might stay alive.

I had legit never heard of this. It aired on Starz, and The Hollywood Reporter could not have been more glowing about it. Based on a play, the miniseries is a relationship drama centering on a regional Shakespeare troupe trying to keep up its performances despite London being shelled in WWII. The review I linked to says that the play has always been considered one of the greatest insights into what drives an actor to act, and it stars Ian McKellen and Anthony Hopkins in a magnificent Zeus-like beard. It sounds like this deserved a closer look than it probably will get — I’m going right now to see if it’s-reairing; unfortunately I think its relative anonymity means most people see it as filling out the category so that they can give a statue to Ryan Murphy.

Supposedly, this was great — and many considered it The Hiddles’ audition for Bond — but the buzz went quiet very quickly, due in part to the fact that it premiered all the way back in April, and the OJ juggernaut kicked up all the dirt in its face.

This one started out fairly strong, but I got impatient with it — we dealt a lot with John Turturro’s foot eczema, and it was full of women being terrible at their jobs. I’m not saying all female characters need to be proficient at everything, but man, don’t take a smart woman and then have her check her brain at the door just because her client is a cute young dude. So what I’m saying is… nope.

Yes, we’re a bit further removed from the frenzy about this, but I’d be astonished if it didn’t win. The miscasting of Cuba Gooding Jr. didn’t even hurt how compelling it was. This verdict, they should get right.

The men’s category here is much the same as the women: Plenty of good stuff, and Courtney B. Vance/Sarah Paulson are unstoppable. Riz is having an incredible year, though, between this and Rogue One. He also released an album this year and is on The Hamilton Mixtape. Hopefully the nomination itself iced the cake enough that he’ll book 70,000 more awesome projects.

Cranston plays LBJ in this mini-series, reprising a role that he did on Broadway, which I guess means the cast of Hamilton had better hurry up and take a stab at that movie before they’re too old to double up on their hardware. (Could they just air the Original Cast recording that exists, and have it count? That’s all anyone wants to see, dudes.)

RIP, The Night Manager. You ran up against too imposing a wall. I suppose it’s possible the HFPA will not care about OJ Simpson as much as we all did, but isn’t the HFPA, like, nine people anyway, and most of them live here? It’s a very nebulous organization. They cannot be predicted and they can be bought. So. Anything’s possible. Also: I remember reading that Hiddles and Priyanka Chopra got real friendly at the Emmys. I don’t know if she’ll be at the Globes, so I assume the rumor mill is ready and willing to accept delivery of more tidbits.

Full marks to John Turturro for, in addition to playing a schlubby attorney for Riz Ahmed’s character, having to deal with subplots involving a cat and swaddling his feet in Saran Wrap.

You, sir, are a marvel.

She went brunette for this show. JUST GIVE HER THE AWARD. (Kidding.)

She is so beautiful in this thumbnail. Man. I can’t wait to check out The Girlfriend Experience. If nothing else, Globes time is VERY useful for finally forcing me to make a to-do list. And, theoretically, Riley is my granddaughter — I was born the same exact day Elvis died — so obviously I’m very proud of her, as I try to zip up my favorite old white studded jumpsuit.

MARCIA MARCIA MARCIA. It cannot be said enough what Sarah Paulson did here: I, like nearly everyone else who was sentient during these actual events, never bothered to consider the person under the hairdo. The People vs. OJ Simpson gave humanity, warmth, and intelligence to a person who was merely a caricature before — and honestly, you could say that of several other characters as well, but in the court of public opinion I think Marcia had the worst go of it. I’m glad for her that this project happened.

She’s nominated for London Spy, another project I had NO IDEA existed until today. It also stars Jim Broadbent, Ben Whishaw, and Harriet Walter; it ran for five episodes, and it aired on BBC America A YEAR AGO.  In England, it ran at the end of 2015. No wonder nobody’s talking about it right now.

I didn’t see this; in any other year, she might have a shot for her work as Anita Hill in Confirmation – wigs! History! Politics! Sexual politics! — but surely NOBODY is beating Sarah Paulson.

They just added him to the cast of Black Panther, a.k.a. the most beautiful movie currently being made. It’s him, Lupita, Michael B. Jordan, Chadwick Boseman, Danai Gurira, and Angela Bassett. The screen will spontaneously light on fire. Also, he was a brilliant Christopher Darden. I think I actually felt my heart break when he earnestly demands that OJ try on the damn glove. I almost couldn’t watch what I knew was coming.

As ever, I will recommend that people who love Hugh Laurie should go watch him as the Prince Regent in Blackadder the Third.

He’s going to win this. Right? It should be Sterling K. Brown, and I want it to be Sterling K. Brown, but Lithgow’s performance is newer and he got to slide into the shoes, hunch, and specs of an international political A-lister. If Sterling K. is scooped here, it’ll be by Lithgow.

I’ve bored you too long with my opinions on Mr. Robot. So instead I’ll say this: My husband once worked on a Christian Slater show, and if I am remembering this correctly, Christian would bring in a food and/or coffee truck for the crew every week. If it turns out I’m telling tales out of school, well, I hope no one is mad at me for exposing that Christian Slater is a nice guy. And if it turns out I am  hallucinating, I hope no one will be mad at me, because obviously it means I am very ill.

For the most part I thought Travolta made a GREAT Bob Shapiro. There were times he felt a little too… well, look at the thumbnail. That’s less Shapiro than it is John Travolta IS Robert Shapiro IN The Role His Bronzer Was Born To Play. I mean, Robert Shapiro loved the spotlight and was not afraid to showboat, but there was occasionally a full-on preening quality to this performance that took it a measure too far for me. At the same time, though… I don’t think I looked for Total Bob Shapiro Realism in this role. You can play Bob Shapiro and veer into caricature, and have it work. And he did.

Olivia was nominated for an Emmy, too. She does a shitload of voice-over work for various Thomas the Tank Engine properties, so I’m sure it’s a thrill to get recognition for something involving her actual face.

I’m wondering if Game of Thrones is turning into one of those shows where the cast is always nominated, but there’s always a newer, shinier toy to play with.

Chrissy is doing yeoman’s work with a character who’s still really just a sketch. The show has made two real mistakes with her: One, made her myopically obsessed with her weight, and two, marooned her in Los Angeles (so far), away from both her brothers, one of whom is her twin and with whom they’ve said she shares an amazing bond, yet we hardly see them speak, and the other of whom… we have no idea what her relationship with him is, because THEY hardly speak EITHER. I think they’re on the way to moving her out to New York with them, and it can’t happen soon enough. A show about family is no good if the family doesn’t get any scenes together. As for the weight issue, it’s actually a story that can and sometimes does make for great TV, but it’s her ONLY personality trait so far. It’s ALL she talks about and thinks about, and it’s the one thing on which she bases most of her life decisions — and if that’s intentional, then I think that is the thing she should deal with, more than the weight itself. Otherwise it just plays like the writers’ room is throwing up its hands and going, “I don’t know. She’s overweight. Let’s have her… feel bad about it again this week.” That she still shines in the role is wholly a tribute to her.

Mandy Moore’s acting is often the popular punching bag for this show, but I honestly think she’s nice in this part. She’s natural. She’s got a rapport with the cast. She can cry. She cannot convincingly play a mother to thirty-somethings, no matter how much makeup they put on her face, but… who among us could? That’s Herculean. I also feel for her, because the show has canonized Milo Ventimiglia’s character ever since briefly introducing his alcoholism in the second episode; he is the one reaching out to understand Randall, he is the one the others worship, and Mandy is the one who trod on Randall’s heart, Mandy is the one Kate blames for her body image issues, and Mandy has no real relationship with Kevin (in the sense that, the show hasn’t ever actually dealt with how they feel about each other in any particular way, because the show treats Kevin like The Third Child We Don’t Know What To Do With Yet But Justin Hartley Is Great So Let’s Figure That Out Soon). We’re obviously supposed to love Milo’s Jack, and occasionally I feel like they achieve that at the expense of Mandy. That I like her at all is a huge credit to Moore.

Ah, the lovely Maeve. I think Chrissy Metz might take this, following in the HFPA’s grand tradition of finding a breakout actress who’s only been on eight televised episodes before winning a trophy, but Thandie’s role as a madam robot in Westworld is juicy and showy even in its supporting status, and she’d be the fun pick.