Man, being invited to the Emmys must be the best. There’s the gifting suites, the pampering, the free champagne that I imagine people are sent in exchange for showing up/wearing somebody’s clothes/not punching Giuliana Rancic in the neck…

62nd Annual Primetime Emmy Awards - Arrivals
… and the chance to have a gorilla’s armpits grafted to your shoulders for gratis. The Target lady she plays on SNL would plotz her way to Aisle Five to buy some new lipstick for the occasion. Penelope would announce that she invented armpits and that and she once shaved Jimmy Carter’s on a charter flight to Aruba. And Gilly would shoot you in the ear with a weaponized Bic pen, because that’s how she rolls. However, Kristen, I can be bought: I’ll take back my concern about your Rogaine body wash if you can get Will Forte back on the show. I can be bought, and the price is his face. Choose wisely.