Cynthia’s new show is about a murder, which is appropriate, because this designer has committed one. Here lies the carcasses of a potentially great purple sequin dress, a white baggy turtleneck from the ’80s, and a black satin robe, all of whom were sacrificed in vain. Woe, that a dearth of ideas should lead to garmenticide. Rest in peace, you three, and also I guess in pieces.

The first log line I found for this show was, “Investigators are confounded over an unspeakable crime that’s been committed,” and I was sure we were going to find out this was True Detective Season 4, or whatever they’d be on by now. But no. It’s called The Outsider, and I guess it’s about the death of a kid, and whether his basketball coach Jason Bateman did it? So… not a happy story. Which you know is true because Julianne Nicholson is on it also, and I’m not sure she has ever made a happy show before?

'The Outsider' TV show premiere, Arrivals, DGA Theater, Los Angeles, USA - 09 Jan 2020

I suppose you could reach back to the last season of Ally McBeal in the early aughts, but that show wasn’t HAPPY, per se, and also everything about that show’s plots has been erased from my mind EXCEPT the dancing baby and that time they killed off Gil Bellows and then brought on Robert Downey Jr. as her love interest. And then he got fired because he was arrested on drug charges and she ended up with Jon Bon Jovi for a little while. I have no idea how that show ended, and given how random THOSE facts seem, I could probably keep going and just tell you whatever I want. Later, they hired Alice Cooper to play her estranged biological father, and ended up marrying the Diet Coke Break dude, who was playing himself. Sure!

Julianne’s oufit is certainly chipper, but that diagonal seaming just makes it look like it got run through a Singer by someone who didn’t know how to use it.

'The Outsider' TV show premiere, Arrivals, DGA Theater, Los Angeles, USA - 09 Jan 2020

Nika King here is on Euphoria, showing up to support her network. There is a version of this outfit that might really work, with strappy black shoes and no chunky visible zipper, and a different purse. I get wanting to carry your Chanel bag, but this is trying to be super fun, and the Chanel is like, “Go home and watch the news and drink your prune juice, and be in bed by 8.”

[Photos: Shutterstock]