An Open Letter to Julianne Moore:

Dear Julianne Moore,

Your stylist hates you.

Why? You seem so nice. Your hair is so pretty. You write books for children about how freckles are awesome, and you are charming in interviews. What have you done to deserve this? Did you accidentally poison your stylist’s poodle with bad chicken nuggets? Did you run over her hedge maze with your Range Rover? Did you seduce her eldest child? Whatever it was, GIRL. You NEED to figure out a way to heal this relationship, because HELL NO.