In which Heather and I tackle last night’s cracktacular finale of The Bachelor. You guys, the whole thing literally went down in a barn. Also:

The first scene was at Chris’s parents’ house, where he greeted his entire family, including at least two adorable, wee nieces who probably had some interesting questions about why Uncle Chris was going lady-shopping with big TV cameras. We assume their mother said, “Well, women are just buffet items under the giant sneezeguard of a man’s life, and so this weird and antiquated show makes them compete to shack up in a fantasy suite with some total dipshit they barely know, in the hopes that he’ll eventually be forced to give one of them a free diamond he got in exchange for PR, and which she will have to give back after the inevitable breakup.” Or, maybe more succinctly, “Uncle Chris has lost his mind. Let’s read a book.”

For the whole thing, pop on over and visit our friends at Cosmo!