Bella Thorne got her start on Shake It Up, on which I think both she and Zendaya sang, so it’s not overwhelmingly surprising that she would record something. What she’s chosen, however, is rap. And not good rap. Nasally, droning rap. Before we get there, though, let’s quickly acknowledge that she continues to look a lot better than last year. Those shoes are completely cute, the jeans are reasonable; we’re a real shirt away from an entire real outfit, a construct that entirely escaped her in 2017. I am not sure the quasi-sailor hat works for her — she is not otherwise dressed to chase after a train, waving her beloved off to war — but from the waist down it’s working and from the waist up there are just minor edits. It continues to be a 2018 miracle.
Bella’s first song, “Bitch, I’m Bella Thorne,” is I THINK meant to be a parody and that’s why she’s putting on a voice? I also read it described as parody but haven’t heard that from her necessarily, but the video does seem to be… attempting… a sense of humor? Warning: Even the clean version is not great, and this is it:
That is… a ride, full of… WORDS. Her music gives me a raging case of The Ellipses.
Her second, which is called “GOAT,” seems to be… not as much a parody? This is the Lyric Video, so it’s just words (and WORDS) printed on a screen, some of which you might not want seen at work:
The upshot is: I feel like all the progress we’re making with her wardrobe is MAYBE being negated by her career creative choices. But, other than today needing to share these with you so that I am not alone in having experienced them, at least we can mostly ignore the latter thing and accept the other as a win.