Okay. This feels so KardashiJenner-adjacent to me. Ariel and Kylie ARE the same age, it’s true, and yes, Ariel, your name has the same number of letters — 5 and 6 — as Kylie Jenner’s. Your first names even share the last three letters, albeit in a different order. But you do not have to be kindred spirits. Ariel, you’ve been through a LOT in life that gives you range from which to draw as an actor, and makes me appreciate your struggles, especially your public discussions of body confidence. I am rooting for you much harder than I will ever root for Kylie Jenner. Besides which, Ariel, your name anagrams (sarcastically here) to “Retailer Win,” as well as the amusing-to-me “Trailer Wine” and “I, Lint Wearer!” Kylie’s only yields gibberish. I could only get “Jerky Eel Inn,” which is absolutely a business Kylie Jenner should open, but still. She’s a GIBBERISH ANAGRAM, ARIEL. BLAZE YOUR OWN VERSATILE PATH.
AND PLEASE TRY NOT TO DO IT IN A PUBLIC WEDGIE. Nobody wants that for you, either.