Let me put this in context for you: Peter Facinelli is dating Jaimie Alexander. He did not attend this Thor 2: Best Little Thorhouse In Texas premiere, because there was a Twilight event, but his sixteen-year old daughter Luca Bella did. So although she and Jaimie weren’t photographed together, they must have been there together, and you’d imagine that means Jaimie was also the responsible adult in charge. And I’m sure she is a very nice person who would not accidentally sell Luca Bella into sex slavery or leave her anywhere sketchy, and I am not at ALL suggesting she is a bad influence. But: Please put yourself in Jaimie’s shoes, and just try and imagine having a maybe-potential-semi-unofficial stepdaughter of that age, taking her to your big movie premiere, and choosing to wear this:

She looks like she poured hot coffee down her front and it strategically seared off some fabric. AND IT GETS WORSE:


But, aside from it being brassy to show STRANGERS this much of her personal wonderland, I’m so hung up on the boyfriend’s-daughter thing. IT’S SO AWKWARD. How was this not painfully strange for all involved? Maybe it was, but couldn’t that have been avoided by, you know, wearing an actual dress? Seriously, picture them in the car together: “Hey, Luca. Yeah, I’ll scoot over — shoot, my dress shifted, don’t look, that’s your Dad’s business, HA HA HA, just kidding, but really, wait, hang on, I need you to look when I get out of the car to make sure everything is covered, and actually, could you be my pubis-wrangler for the night? Just like keep an eye on it and let me know if anything stray is poking out? That would be so great. Isn’t this nice? I’m so glad we’re bonding.” If I were Jennie Garth, I might be on the phone this morning to Peter, going, “Really? Really. REALLY.”

[Photo: Getty]