Did you guys read the interview with Chastain here in the current Vanity Fair? Because it is a little bizarre. Quotes include: “I have a feeling that very soon I’m going to fail very, very big;” “Chastain freely admits that she cries constantly, often for no real reason. Telling [the reporter] about crying when a security guard yelled at her for coming in through the wrong entrance at a hotel in downtown Manhattan earlier that day, she begins to well up again;” “I feel really, really terrified;” and “She says she was plagued with a nagging worry: ‘Will someone be mean to me?’ Because of all the potential for meanness, ‘I don’t want people to look at me,’ Chastain confesses.” Well. I’m sorry, but I am going to have to look at you while I tell you a few things, hon:
A) Don’t worry, I’m not going to be mean. You look great. That color is divine.
B) Maybe it’s not a SUPER great idea to tell the press that you cry and are terrified all the time, because it makes people stressed on your behalf? You seem really charming and totally fine on the red carpet so…did this interview just go to a weird place? It seems like your PR should have “accidentally” spilled ice tea all over you the instant you said, “oh, yeah, I cry all the time for no reason” because that is a quote that can go weird places and the next thing you know, there’s an interview in Vanity Fair that is somehow all about your anxiety levels. I mean, I get it. I cry at Whirlpool commercials where old people are really happy about their dishwashers.
C) Or is this just a weird press move to make you seem artistically fragile? Which would also be a concern because that is a weird persona to effect. So….I am a little concerned. I am not supposed to shut Vanity Fair on the plane and feel concerned. I am supposed to shut Vanity Fair on the plane and think, “wow, rich people are crazy!” or perhaps, “how about those Kennedys!” or “I love a good upper class murder!” (I enjoy Vanity Fair on the plane very much.)
D) Dude, next time a New York security guard yells at you for using the wrong, just throw up your hands and yell back, “WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?!” and then go to your room and Skype with Clooney for a while. Everything’s going to be fine. I promise. Now, tell me how you got your hair to be so shiny.